five deadly everythings...

It was easier in highschool

I'm so lazy. Sitting here with my (new bigger and better!) headphones on, listening to music I don't like very much, watching TV shows I hate, too lazy to find a better webstream or get up and finally find the missing TV convertor (or walk the six feet to the monitor to change the channel my damn self). Too lazy read to a book or download a comic or write something creative.

But I vow this ends tomorrow. Or maybe the day after that; tomorrow is Friday after all. But yes, I must get off my ass and get back in shape. Cuba in T-minus four months. My life will consist of calisthenics and multivitaminerals. I will greet the sunrise with pushups and mourn the death of another day with crunches and tricep dips. I will chase caribou and grapple with gorillas. PETA will hate me but fear me all the same. I'll be putting to paper a workout plan in the coming days, similar to my old one but different enough to shock my system and jog my muscle memory.



It's different training for general health and (let's be honest) cosmetic reasons. Training for martial arts felt more immediate and worthwhile. If you didn't train you got your ass whuped and your pride took. It was more rewarding on a personal level as well. But I'm just making excuses. Staying healthy and active is enough reason I should ever need, despite lacking in glamour and the community aspect martial arts provided.

I've been taking the baby steps needed. The cigarette smoking has ceased. I've traded in the whole milk for skim, traded the frappuccinos for fruit smoothies. But that's the easy, tasty part. The sweat and loneliness (i don't eff with gym memberships) of the basement workout is hell. Can't wait for the weather to warm so I can take it outdoors. If you see some dude at your local playground doing chinups on the monkey bars beside the kiddies and acting like a reject from the Ruff Ryder's workout video, that's not a pedophile, that's me.

Now.

If only I weren't so lazy...

Another birthday party tomorrow, lunch on Sat with Mike and Pris and them, the Bring Love in Not Guns summit and performances on Saturday evening. Breaking competition at York next Saturday. It's good to get out of the house. Winter hibernation lasted for too long this year.

peace.

Posted by Scene -- at 9:02:00 p.m. | Permalink

Long Live the Queen

And it's over. The Canada that has been lauded for furthering the progress of gay marriage, health care, marijuana legislation, that opposed the Iraq war openly and supported the Kyoto Protocol, has just elected a Conservative federal govt. (Ok Ok, I'm romanticising Canada, but you get what I mean.) One that opposes alla that, I should clarify.

I've got mixed feelings. I'm glad Paul Martin is gone and I'm glad the NDP earned an additional ten seats in the house. It's a minorty gov't, so Harper's hands are somewhat tied when it comes to changing Canada as he sees fit. But the feelings get mixed knowing that all this might backfire. A couple years of a moderate and centrist Conservative mandate might just get Canadians to trust a Conserative gov't enough that when the next election rolls around Harper wins a majority. We'll be in trouble then, especially if the US in still rollin with the Republicans. Then it's Mulroney/Reagan II.

Up until then though I don't see much changing. The House is too balanced right now and everybody will spend too much time either fighting or woefully compromising. I don't predict any big changes in Canada's political identity any time soon, other than the fact we might be back in Dubya's good graces.



I learned to not discuss politics with customers the other day. A regular whom I talk with frequently flipped a switch when I asked who he was voting for. You just never know about people. I was trying to make polite conversation and dude went nuts about elections being all bullshit (fine, heard it before), and how the policians don't really control the country (ok), and how Canada and the US are both still controlled by the Crown (uhhhhh?), and how there's a secret constitution that we aren't allowed to read (what the), and that we're living in the matrix, man (i saw that movie!), but television has kept us so stupid and brainwashed that we can't see the truth (TV bad; Keanu Reeves movies good - gotcha).

Man. Shit like this is why the left wing carries less and less weight with people. Increasingly and more frequently I am bothered by other left wingers in the way I am bothered by other Buddhists. Why do some people equate thinking outside the box with not making any effing sense?

Anyways. I fought with my gf the other night for the first time in a long time. I woke up this morning hazy and unsure if it had even happened. These are the worst fights, the surreal ones, that aren't about specific things but are about who we are as people. They're scary because they're the ones you can't fix with a list of resolutions. Everything's cool now though, if a little awkward.

The other day my boss brought me and a couple of my co-workers to an internal job fair. It was my first mini corporate convention. There were motivational speeches and presentations, logo emblazonned prizes to be won, everyone smiling like that Twilight Zone episode where everyone had to smile or else. There were fortune cookies that contained within its carbohydrate capsule messages about the company. There was a raffle going on and the winner could win a dinner with the company head, Alix Box. Which would be such a lame prize if I didn't have a thing for Alix Box, meow.

A bunch of people who don't like me said hi to me and waved ecstatically and asked how my promotion was going. Don't get me wrong, a lot of normal people were there as well, people I like from other stores whom I've met or worked with before. But they left early and Jono and I had to fend for ourselves, stealing snacks and putting up with the old white guy who greeted us with "YO YO YO HOMIES".

I thank my boss for bringing us down and trying to motivate us and give us opportunities, but if anything the trip just proved to me that I really don't fit in with the higher ups in this company. No disrespect to them (not all of them, at least), but it's just a mismatch of personality. These are not my people and I think it'd cause us all problems to have to work together.

Then again, I just don't like working with people, period. I've always hated group projects. Even at REMG I mostly like to be left alone, even though Lisa is really just an older bi-sexual version of myself and I get along with her great.

I just wanna write. Sorry. It's unrealistic but there it is.

peace.

Posted by Scene -- at 12:36:00 a.m. | Permalink

new thing, old thing

Everyone in my age group is either graduating, or going to grad school, or starting a career, or getting married, or buying a car, or whatever. It turns the conversation over to topics I'd rather not talk about right now, so I find myself avoiding conversation lately. Anyone wanna talk about the election instead?

I don't understand why anti-Paul Martin left or left-of-center leaning folks are so scared of voting NDP. They don't want the Liberals in office anymore because of the sponsorship scandal (scandal is such a soft term nowadays, making it sound like a big deal is being made over nothing) and the wanton waffling that ensued, and they don't want the Cons in there because the Cons are evil robots. They all agree that Jack Layton's only flaw is that he's too boring and too earnest, and yet they still won't vote NDP out of some fear of splitting the vote or electing a party who can't form a gov't.

I'm as wary as the next hoser of Stephen Harper becoming PM but let's be clear about things -- the only way to ensure Harper doesn't rape our constitution and throw acid in the face of Canada's national identity is to have a sizable enough NDP presence in the House so as to have swing power over House voting. We came close last election (short of 2 seats, was it?), and if it wasn't for heads who switched their vote to Liberal at the last minute for "strategic voting" purposes, we would've had decision making power.



Stop being tepid with your votes. The Liberals have taken a lot of credit for social reforms made over their years of governing, but make no mistake, a lot of these bills and plans were put forth by Ed Broadbent and other NDP members. Want to make sure more of the same progressive reforms go through? Put more NDP reps in the House; regardless of whether it's the Liberals or the Cons who end up winning.

If you staunchly support Liberal or Conservative or even Green or whatever, then do your thing. As long as you're voting for what you believe in I can roll with that. I'm not trying to change anyone's view of the world, at least not in this post. But if you are left-leaning and sick of the Liberals but aren't voting for Jack and the New Democrats, I need to know why. Election's tomorrow folks. Canadian politics might not be as sensationalistic as the US, so I'll change "Vote or Die" to "Vote or Sigh". So if you don't vote I don't wanna hear you whining for the next 4 or so years (who knows when elections are coming now), aiight?

Youth voter turnout is still mad low, but I'm noticing a trend of young people running for MP.

Grace Yogaretnam and
Liam McHugh-Russell

are two local ones, but youth candidates are sprinkled from coast to coast. It'll be another story of course if any of them actually win, but nonetheless it's an inspiring trend to watch.

A lot of good comics dropped this week. Infinite Crisis 4 and X-Statix Presents Dead Girl are my official picks. I never thought I'd enjoy a story featuring Dr. Strange, but there you go. Milligan even takes a stab at the Orientalism traditionally surrounding the character. Maybe I'll comment on that over at Prep Time. (if you can't tell, that was a plug for Prep Time.) The Luna Brothers do double duty with Girls #9 (thanks for the heads up, Soliguin) AND Spider Woman #2 dropping. The soft lighting and clean lines they use lend a nice quality. Especially for Spider Woman -- I'm not used to seeing this kind of softness in the world of square jaws and splash pages.

I'm putting through my application next week for journalism school. Keep your fingers crossed. I just wish heads were able to congratulate me on going back to school without dissing what I've been doing thus far. Honestly, I'm not ashamed of where I work or what I do there, so people who make cracks can just miss me.

It's going to be a busy year, but no busier than last year I suppose. I can't believe we're having our first meeting for this year's Freshest Film Fest already. Time flies. But when I do think about it, I remember interviewing for the position last year in a winter jacket and toque, and lamenting the ugly, extremely un-hiphop sweater I chose to wear that day.

It might be hard to negotiate the Freshest Film Fest with Mike's wedding this summer. They're supposed to go down around the same time. I've never been in a wedding party before so I'm a little surprised at all the planning involved. There's two meetings (and by "meetings" I suspect they mean "excuse to hang out and eat") I'm supposed to go to next week alone. It's gonna be weird spending so much time with high school peoples after all this time.

Went out yesterday for Julie, Christianne's friend's birthday. It's cool that Chris has kept the same group of friends since highschool, they're still tight. My friends and I have drifted here and there, to the point now where I only keep in touch with some of them over impersonal myspace comments. Mike and Suzy are the only ones I've stayed tight with. Now all my friends are culled from different groups and my life seems so much more splintered. I float from friend to friend but will never have a large birthday party like that. Unless I feel like packing a space with strangers. Which might be interesting and fun, but for totally different reasons. Not the reasons I'd want in having a birthday party.

But yeah. It's been one of those weeks where you realize it's all cycles. One of those weeks when you feel the dizziness.

peace.

Posted by Scene -- at 10:59:00 p.m. | Permalink

Sleepy Zombie Talk

Holy shit, the insomnia is back. I've been working more evening shifts lately though, so I guess that's the culprit. I got choked up today listening to some Joe Budden. Ain't that some shit. Earlier I was in a library with Chris and I leafed through the collected essays and letters of Aldous Huxley, and then George Orwell. How the hell can you write like that, so intelligently, and so prolifically? I wanted to swallow the books and choke on them. It kicked the writer's block out of me, though.



I've been working like a mad scientist on my Pizza Shock top ten list. Don't ask why, I don't know. I'm getting my term paper on and I'm not even in school.

Speaking of school. We'll, let's not. And by the way, it you're going to boycott a coffee shop, BOYCOTT THE COFFEE SHOP. Don't lecture me about it, AND THEN ORDER YOURSELF A LATTE. AND THEN get mad at me for telling you your stupid is showing*. Do yourself a favour: read a history book and find out what a boycott is. Hell. Read, period. Read a newspaper, a pamphlet. Read a recipe, I don't know. Make yourself not stupid somehow. You do a huge disservice to real boycotts. Real boycotts hate you and don't tell you about all the cool parties.

(btw, that pic is random. My rant has nothing to do with it. For all I know, Starbucks really is supporting Israeli terrorism and killing babies. In which case. Someone buy my favourite customer another latte for her boycott.)

*(This story only gets stupider. If you want to hear it message me. Or call me on my cellphone, in which case you'll win a bonus story about how much I hate my cellphone.)

Anyways, here's a dope lecture sent to me by my friend on the issue of copyright laws. Very on point.

Link

peace.

Posted by Scene -- at 3:34:00 a.m. | Permalink

Cellphones

After talking about how I should finally get a cellphone my friend John hooked me up with one of his older models. I knew I wasn't cut out for this sort of constant connection with the outside world, but being unreachable was getting increasingly ridiculous.

So I signed up for a plan and my sanity hasn't been the same since. For the whole first month, though I was still being billed for service, we couldn't get my phone working because it had locked itself. The people at Rogers, with whom I am now so well acquaintanced with that we nod greetings when passing through the mall, assured me there was nothing they could do. "Sorry dog, that's the whole point of phone lock", they said.



Fair enough. But my boy John is persistent in these matters and after lurking on some message boards and calling some help desks pretending to be me, we found a solution. This of course involved me proving my own identity to some dude on the phone who got mad when I changed my default password to "0000" instead of "1234".

"Is it not going to work now?"

"I don't know, it's SUPPOSED TO BE 1234."

And so the phone started working. Sure, I dropped it once and it shattered into a million pieces, but I'm good at puzzles. And sure, I miss calls sometimes even though the ringer is on max AND set to vibrate, but hey, water under the bridge, bygones and shit.

But then I started receiving junk text messages from some online dating/friend service. It's nice to feel welcomed. And it's nice knowing that I can reply YES or NO, because I was taught to choose my friends and not let my friends choose me. I thought the messages were fairly harmless seeing as I get text messages included in my package, but no, as my last bill points out, these don't even count as normal text messages - they fall under the grandiosely titled category of "Event Messages."

I figured someone who had my number before me had previously signed up for this expensive (exploitative) service. Good thing I could Google a grain of sand in the Sahara if I wanted to.

Casey-Anne, whoever you are, wherever you are, you owe me $22 in event messaging.

May all of your SMS hookups have small feet and no ambition.

peace.

Posted by Scene -- at 11:17:00 a.m. | Permalink

The Funny Pages

When you spend the whole night vividly dreaming, and upon awakening your dreams blur seamlessly with reality...sleep just isn't satisfying. I like sleep because you don't exist for a small block of time. Everything just stops, you stop. What with all the dreaming I've been doing lately I'm getting really fucking sick of myself. Why can't I just leave myself alone?



I think my subconscious just likes rubbing it in my face that it's not currently suffering from writer's block. Like, HEY BURNOUT, LOOK AT THE COOL SHIT I CAN COME UP WITH. I'm sick of my subconscious, fucking prick.

Maybe it's trying to tell me something. Like that there's voracious fungus growing in my room, or that I'm best friends with a rapper who's changed since he hit the bigtime, or that there's a sale going on but nothing is in my size and that that really vexes me. ? Fucking subconscious, speak english.

I don't usually dream unless I'm stressed, so this is weird. Ok ok, I'm a bit stressed. I'm having dropout blues and I found myself on the net yesterday researching degree requirements to programs that (I had to remind myself by violently shaking my head) I have no interest in or aptitude for whatsoever. My self-esteem right now is pretty low. Thank god I'm sexy. Actually, I'm in the worst physical shape of my life right now. Ugh. I feel like such a Gilmore Golden Girl. I need a tub of ice cream and four cc's of testosterone, stat.

I'm gonna go read comics, and watch cartoons, and love it.

peace.

Posted by Scene -- at 3:22:00 p.m. | Permalink

At Midnight

Every year New Year's Eve gets more and more uneventful. In a way, it becomes more and more what it really is: just another day. Last year I spent it getting tipsy on a couch with my gf, watching the Wayans brothers imitate the Hilton sisters. This year, no alcohol and no significant other, just me and the siblings and a copy of The Princess Bride.

I think I've only been to two "real" New Year's parties in my lifetime (the years previous to the ones mentioned), and it's not that they weren't fun, they just weren't enough fun to be missed. Drunk is drunk and crunk is crunk. Everything else is just dates to me.

In my more cynical days it'd be oh so chic to dismiss New Year's, ruminate on the illusion of time and the excuse to get your hedonism on once a year and not catch flak over it. And while those things kind of sort of hold true, I am starting to see the value in celebrating the start of a another cycle -- no matter how merely conceptual that cycle may be.

Time in general is a lot of bullshit, but it helps organize things. Generations are fictions, seconds pass by faster when you're not counting, and days are longer than years. So why celebrate the 1st of Jan? One of the weirdest things about New Year's is the New Year's Resolution. They are rarely kept, and mostly because if they were really important to the person making the resolution they wouldn't have to wait for a specific date to get shit rolling.

But that's more a reflection on the person than on the act of making a New Year's Resolution. In Zen there are millions of moments of enlightenment. When you're sitting there in your lotus position and you all of a sudden realize your mind is wandering, that you are slouching, that you are sitting there supposed to be meditating, that is a moment of enlightenment. It's an awakening, and you readjust yourself accordingly. The start of a new year can be useful in just such a way if you let it be.

This past Monday the Toronto Star featured a Ten to Watch Out For in 2006 list. There were no specific categories, it featured artists, writers, activists, politicians, urban planners, whatever. One of the Ten was a young dude I saw last year who organized a hiphop speaking series at U of T, Kofi Hope, who was featured for his political and community leadership. That one panel discussion has proven to be a pivotal moment for me, introducing me to several heads I've stayed in contact with and even worked with, and convincing me to get involved in the arts and culture community (hiphop and beyond). And now there's Kofi, whose last name is so appropriate it's almost bad writing, who I place up there on my ever growing list of cats I respect the fuck out of and whom I want to be like when I grow up (even though they are younger than me and even though I've been grown for more than a minute now).

It's funny when I look back and realize that all of my inspirations of 2005 were not creatives per se, but people involved in the arts as a way of making a difference in the community. Leaders, organizers, thinkers, people who gave a shit. It makes me wonder what I really want to do with my life, what direction I'm heading in.

But this is just my New Year's mouth running. As John pointed out today over dim sum, it's a time for being emo. My resolution? Make it more than that. Make New Year's everything they try to convince us it is. A reboot, a second, third, fourth chance at straightening your spine and getting your shit straight.

My brother came down for the holidays and he's leaving tomorrow morning. It really is funny how I've grown to be so much like him even though we live on opposite ends of the country. We can go years without seeing each other, and then meet up and be wearing the same shirt or same pair of kics. It's really fucked up. Anyway. All this talk I've been doing lately about the direction of my life...my brother is 35 and he just recently found his thing. (That's him performing acupuncture on my father.)

I'm not gonna try and stretch a concrete correlation between my post and my brother, I just really wanted to give him a shout out -- even though he'll probably never read this. Which is the best kind of shout out anyway, isn't it?

peace.

Posted by Scene -- at 12:09:00 a.m. | Permalink